Single Parent: Are you coping with empty nest syndrome?

Are you a single parent faced with empty nest syndrome, unsure how to cope on your own? You are not alone. You are aware of the problems a single parent has to face.  Keys to dealing with these kinds of problems include acceptance and attitude, action and adjusting.

The article “Single parenting and today's family” looks at some of the problems. With empty nest syndrome, a child seems old enough and responsible enough to leave home, like a baby bird that has to leave its nest, at one point or another. You know that in order for your child to move on in life, he or she has to strike out on his or her own. You may not like it, but you know that it is for the best and inevitable.

The problems faced by single parents do not necessarily disappear when a child leaves home. In fact, they may multiply, at times. There can also be the additional problem of coping with empty nest syndrome as a single parent. Both mothers and fathers have to deal with empty nest syndrome as single parents, at different times and for different reasons. It is not always easy.

Psychologically, empty nest syndrome is seldom without a tremendous tug on one’s heart strings and emotions, sometimes in a positive direction, but often in a negative direction. For a single parent, suddenly left on his or her own when a child leaves home, it can be devastating or exhilarating. A single parent who has raised a child alone often has strong psychological and emotional ties to that child and may have difficulty letting that child go away to college or university. Perhaps he or she is just beginning a new career somewhere and a major move for him or her is in order.

Can the child survive or not?

Parental responsibility for that child does not necessarily end when the child leaves home. Coping with the empty nest can be increasingly difficult when the child does not appear to be coping well on his or her own, after leaving home. There can be serious guilt related issues because of one’s single status.

There are things a single parent can do to cope with empty nest syndrome, including the following.

Acceptance:

Accepting the reality of inevitable transition in life is important for single parents. Times change, circumstances change and life goes on, with or without a child continuing to live at home. Making a determined effort to get on with life on one’s own, with that child at a distance, is not always easy, but it is possible.

Attitude:

The attitude of the single parent with respect to his or her empty nest is extremely important, as it will be a major factor in coping with the reality of suddenly being alone. Some single parents have difficulty being alone because they have developed some degree of dependency on a child while raising him or her.
With the right attitude, there are solutions. For example, other college and university students often need a place to live and a newly alone single parent can offer room and board for them. There are organizations that need volunteers for work with disabled children. Seeking professional counseling if the empty nest syndrome seems too overwhelming is another answer.

Action:

Positive action on the part of the single parent can reduce the anxiety and sense of loss experienced when suddenly on one’s own. Recognizing that empty nest syndrome is a common phenomenon and becoming involved with others in a support group, can prove beneficial for everyone. Getting involved in activities of one’s own choosing, like taking interest level courses in art or music, academic or employment skills upgrading, etc. can help fill in the empty hours and open new horizons of possibility.

Adjusting:

Being able to adjust to your new status in life is a sign of good mental and emotional health and well-being. In other words, be aware that your status is now different and will continue to change over the years. Empty nest syndrome presents a wonderful opportunity for you to expand your own horizons in life, should you choose to do so.

Adjust to the reality that your grown child is experiencing a new status in his or her life too, but it does not necessarily exclude you. In fact, he or she may secretly admire your ability to adjust to his or her transition in life.

Welcome your child home for holidays or special occasions. At a moment’s notice, visit your child in his or her new surroundings and your anxieties may be lessened. Appreciate his or her successes, as you have already laid the foundation for them. Keep the doors of communication open.

Consider the reality that empty nest syndrome may simply be a precursor to your pending new role as a grandparent, if or when your child marries and has children. Enjoy the reality that both of your lives are changing just as they should and celebrate the changes.