Tactics For Dealing With a Family Bully: Bullying in Families us Always Wrong and Never Acceptable

Every family has at least one family bully, while large families often tend to have more than one. Different generations often reveal a similar pattern of bullying, that may not be recognized or dealt with in any way. Dysfunction families can be the result of continual bullying in a family.

What is a bully?

"Accurate and Reliable Dictionary" suggests that a bully is “a noisy, blustering fellow, more insolent than courageous, one who is threatening and quarrelsome, an insolent, tyrannical fellow.” It also suggests “a brisk, dashing fellow”, one who is “jovial and blustering”.    

Does that sound like someone in your family? Note that bullies are not always male.

There are numerous tactics for dealing with any family bully. Many of these prove effective, but it may not be easy to stop family bullying. Be aware that no one likes a family bully.  

Identify the actual bully.

In a family, it is important to identify the real bully in order to deal with his or her bullying tactics.

Unfortunately, those bullied may bear labels as family bullies, because the actual bully is louder and more vociferous. He or she covers his or her bullying tactics by playing the blame game. Those being bullied may become family outcasts. Other family members, who realize what is happening, may be afraid to refute the actual bully, because they do not want to become the new target of the family bully.

Recognize bullying as a form of intimidation.

At family gatherings, it quickly becomes apparent who is the life of the party, but the bully may use intimidation tactics to control everyone. Bullying should be recognized as such and dealt with immediately. Humiliation, embarrassment, rejection in front of everyone, insults and verbal abuse carried out in fun, etc. are intimidation tactics of a bully.

A bully enticing someone in the family to be his or her buddy or friend, reveals his or her subtle attempt to gain favor and place the one being bullied in that person’s disfavor. The one bullied may attempt to speak in his or her own self-defense, but then the bully may accuse him or her of fighting, arguing or causing family dissension. The person being bullied, may turn away from everyone, cry or simply leave. He or she may refuse to attend any family functions.  

Acknowledge true, positive and constructive family leadership.

Every family has someone who is a born leader; at times, there is more than one person. A bully on an ego trip will not acknowledge true, positive and constructive leadership. In fact, he or she will resist it because it does not work to promote his or her ego. A true family leader will take a stand against bullying, rather than support any bullying tactics.

Refuse to participate in bullying activity.

When no one participates in bullying activity on any level, the bully loses his or her power to intimidate others. In fact, this is one way he or she receives a silent or non-verbal reprimand for intimidation tactics. Openly defending the person bullied may increase the bullying, so silence from others, may be preferable. Walking away from bullies is a quiet way of showing disapproval for bullying. It is a good idea for a family member who is being bullied repeatedly to leave that particular scenario.

Discuss the reality of bullying.

Discussing the reality of bullying in a family may shed light on the reasons for it. At times, a bully achieves results by bullying. The person targeted by a family bully may need protection by other family members, particularly when the form of bullying becomes increasingly violent. Appropriate family communication is vital in any bullying situation.

Reprimand the bully.

Bullies are often compulsive liars who are extremely jealous of other family members. Ideally, when a bully is caught telling an untruth about someone he or she is bullying, it is advisable to confront him or her with an open, verbal reprimand. An apology may be in order for the person who is being bullied. Be aware that because the bully is defending his or her ego, it may just lead to more lies and escalate the problem.

Report repeated attempts at bullying.

Reporting continual bullying among siblings or other family members to others is important. Remember that the family bully may be the last one you suspect, particularly if he or she is threatening or intimidating other family members in a subversive manner. Dealing with a subversive family bully, can resolve family dysfunction, but it may take time.   

   

When necessary, it may be appropriate to seek individual and family counseling in terms of effective resolution.